Growing up, discussions about sex were a taboo. Actually, the whole idea of sex felt like an abominable sin. The act of getting undressed, exchanging saliva, was just nauseating. And so when I met THE person, whom I knew beyond reasonable doubt had SEX, the drama still lingers on my brain.
I remember it was my first year in high school. Like any other school, from time to time, students would be sent home to collect school fee arrears. So drama unfolded after students started coming back from home. There was this girl, I will call her Agnes.
Agnes while at home, got intimate with the boyfriend. She didn’t expect her parents to send her back to school so early, but when they got the money, she was forced to report back to school without taking her emergency contraceptive pill. When the boyfriend found, he understood the risk.
He came up with this clever idea, and asked the sister to drop the medicine at Agnes’ school, lie that she had a severe stomach infection and needed to take the medicine fast, to complete her dose.
The sister rushed the medication to school, but feared, a little interrogation and, someone could poke holes in her story. So, she dropped the meds at the gate and explained the situation to the security guard, asking him to deliver it to the school matron only. Unfortunately, the security guard, am not sure if he saw through her lies, or he was a jerk or nosy, he instead delivered the package to the Deputy Headteacher (DH).
Our DH was the holier than thou type, a disciplinarian, an embodiment of Miss Trunchbull from Matilda. When the package landed in her office, she opened it only to discover the abomination inside. The secrete was out, Agnes’ fate unknown. She quickly took matters to her hands, and a snowball of disciplinary actions took place, first, a disciplinary meeting was convened to interrogate her, and of course Agnes would be flagged in the process. Her parents were also called and told of their daughter’s illicit activities. After, the school decided that she would be given a two-week suspension, and told to cut her beautiful hair to the roots (maybe her bald head would scare of the boyfriend to never return.)
When she returned, at some point for whatever reason, she visited the junior block. Someone must have reckoned her, and called on her classmates. Word spread like a bush fire. I remember the stampede, students, myself included, gashing on the corridor like a river that has broken its banks. Engrossed just to see the ‘the girl who drunk water’. She was THE FIRST PERSON, whom I knew amongst my peers had had SEX. I don’t know what happened to her, or if she ever took the emergency pills, but I know that there was no pregnancy reported after, and soon her case was overtaken by other events.
Later on, I met her in campus, she was undertaking a degree in political science, and was still dating the same young man, who had intimacy with her while in high school. Now that I look back, I ponder on how the shaming, naming and gossips might her affected her. I now wonder what was the big deal was about and how things would have been handled differently, because maybe, with a different person, things would have turned fatal. Teachers are not demigods, and thus they are called to embrace humility and understand that their students can slip and make terrible and at the same time sensible decisions about their sexual and reproductive health. And so instead of shaming, handing students responsibly with respect and dignity in distressing moments, and help them grow wiser and empowered young adults.