Achieving a Win-Win in managing conflict and difficult conversations in the workplace

Part 1: Conflict Resolution: 5 strategies to diffuse conflict at the workplace

Recently, I had a fall-out with a colleague. She frequently came to me with complaints and overwhelmed me with negative comments about what others thought of our department. Even after advising her that she should channel this information to our supervisor, that fell on deaf ears.

Eventually I felt overwhelmed, and decided to raise the issue on our department’s WhatsApp group. I was so worked up and emotionally drained. I shared the latest information she had sent me, questioned why she was the only one receiving such complaints and I even accused her of fanning these negative conversations.

Well that did not sit well with her, the next day at the office before we knew it, tensions boiled over into a loud confrontation. Later on, I regretted my actions, because we were both unprofessional. So I sat down and thought through the trail of events and came to a conclusion that we could have handled the situation better. I talked to a few other colleagues and even made some online research to learn more on how to resolve the conflict effectively, and the content of this article is inspired by my findings.

Understanding conflict 

In our workplace, conflict is inevitable. My mom used to say, “where two or three people interact, there will always be conflict at one point or another. If there is none, then one person is deceiving the other.” Having been employed for a half a decade now, I’ve come to appreciate just how true that statement is.

Conflict is not a bad thing, on the contrary, it provides an opportunity for growth. The problem is, if not well managed, conflict can turn a healthy workplace, into a toxic environment that negatively impacts on employees’ productivity, resulting in arguments/hostility, missed deadlines, high employee turn-over and ultimately loss of revenue.

Confrontations and conflict arise in many forms and shapes. In an office set-up conflict arise in the following circumstances:

• Desire for power and recognition

• Poor communication

• Feelings of insecurity

• Unclear expectations

• Misunderstandings/lies

• Cultural differences

• Sabotage

When any of the above scenarios occur, it can build up slowly, then overtime manifest itself into a conflict, like in my case a heated exchange. Thankfully, conflict if handled well, it can trigger self-awareness, constructive conversations, as well as transparent and open dialogue. These triggers in-turn help in gaining deeper understanding and appreciation for others, hence promoting innovation and growth while strengthening relationships.

Strategies to conflict resolution

The best way to defuse conflict is to tackle it. The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument, provides us with 5 strategies to dealing with conflict. These strategies will help you make better choices on how to tackle conflict on a case to case basis:

Strategy 1 - Avoiding: It is best suited in scenarios where you do not need to maintain relationships, and your expectations on the other party are low. For example, if a stranger bumps into you in the corridors of your workplace, then walks away, you are more likely to ignore the person and avoid being confrontational, rather than confront the person about it.

Strategy 2 - Competing: This strategy is used when one strives/pushes to meet their own interest, and have little concern for others. It requires one to be assertive and take a leadership role, or use power to their advantage. 

Here is an example: When two colleagues are urging over a deadline for an assignment, as the supervisor, you can take control and assert a specific timeline for the assignment. Another example is when a colleague is trying to bend the rules, for selfish reasons, whether you are in authority or a junior employee, you can refuse their request and reinforce the right procedures.  

This is more of a win-lose strategy. And if overused, it can damage relationships.

Strategy 3 - Accommodating: This strategy is mostly used in scenarios where maintaining your relationships with the other party is more important than meeting your goal. This means that you are more concerned about others rather than yourself. Overly, this strategy is used when one is generous, i.e. you genuinely want to accommodate the other party’s needs. 

It is also used when one is submissive, i.e. you have little authority over the situation you are in, and so you choose to be obedient or submissive. Additionally it is used when we are yielding, ie give up on our own interest. For example, you may not agree with your supervisor’s ideas/strategies but you go on with them. While being accommodative quickly deescalates conflict, it can suppress creativity and innovation. 

Strategy 4 - Compromising: This happens when both parties agree to forfeit some of their needs in order to reach an agreement. It is useful when both parties value their relationship more than their individual goals. For example: After the COVID-19 pandemic, bosses wanted their employees to return to the office while employees wanted to continue working remotely, so many resorted to a hybrid work environment where some days work is done remotely while in others you work from the office

Another example is when you and your colleague choose to go on leave during the same week on a busy work period. If this brings an uproar, you can choose to forfeit some of your days, and so does your colleague. This is a lose - lose strategy. 

Strategy 5 –  Collaboration: This is the most suitable conflict strategy at the workplace. This is a strategy that is keen on maintaining relationships as well as achieving goals for each party involved. Collaboration ensures that everyone is satisfied. An example: if a supervisor is dissatisfied with your work, you can reach out to them to find out the shortfalls, this way you can improve on your work while they get their desired output. This strategy takes time and dedication, but the effort is worth it. 

Pretending that conflict does not exist only escalates it. In some cases, managing a conflict might requires professional mediation, team-building exercises, and more one-on-one conversations, among other things, and it is okay to put your hands on different strategies! 

In my case, I choose the collaborative strategy, it might take time, but I am willing to invest all it takes to create a professional and working relationship with my colleague so that we can all achieve our goals.